Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Not Afraid - Eminem

First Google Docs; now Blogger – the entire Google planet is being revamped, Bryan!

Speaking of revamping, I have been thinking about songs for you to revamp all about me.  I am thinking Forget You by Cee Lo Green.  I don’t know though, maybe some Adele would be funnier.  Animal by Neon Trees could also be quite humorous for me.  So many options, Bryan!  You should definitely just take every Friday off so you can rewrite songs in a variety of genres (okay, by variety I only mean ones that make you look funny) and on a variety of subjects (mostly me, but sometimes maybe about bumble bees or poison ivy to spice it up?).

Long paragraph.

The first thing I noticed when I saw the new Blogger was how bright the background is.  Whichever Google employee decided that white pearl would make a nice background color was sadly mistaken.

This would have been my reaction had someone said to me, “Let’s make the background white.  It’s so eye catching and all the rage!”

Oh, Bryan, how I miss that show.  My brother and I used to love that show.  We even got to the point that we recorded every episode in case it was worth keeping.

Microsoft needs to shut up with the green lines.  I realize that I use fragments, contractions and passive voice – there is no reason to tell me!  Bryan, Microsoft didn’t point out that I had fractions instead of fragments.  Proofreading for the win.  That was a fragment.  Microsoft was sure that I knew!

I really am contemplating a nap, so here is a song.

Until tomorrow Bryan,
The upcoming newspaper looks so good!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Rant Continues

My first order of business is to empathize with Max. Allergies are not particularly fun. They're not the worst thing in the world -- I would take allergies over a cold any day -- but they're just horribly inconvenient.

To prove my point, I'm going to list all of the things that I wouldn't have done today if it hadn't been for my allergies:
  • First, I checked to see that the pollen count was extremely high (as it has been pretty much every day recently), and then I spend a few seconds being disappointed about that.
  • I had to take my allergy medicine, which not only takes a few seconds out of every morning but also takes a few cents out of my family's budget.
  • I left for school five or ten minutes later than I usually would due to allergy issues.
  • I would estimate that I used between fifteen and twenty tissues in all today.
  • After I did my homework for a couple hours secluded in my room where pollen should not be present, I sneezed a few times and had to blow my nose. That was the most recent tissue.
  • I'm blogging about my allergies.
The worst part is that allergies don't. Make. Any. Sense.

Max, I'll try to remember to use sunscreen during allergy season.

It looks like my punishment is going to be rewriting song lyrics to praising-Max-lyrics and then performing that song for Max, but it's not official yet and I don't know if Max is going to wait for the poll to close.

But speaking of doing things with songs, I want to do something. Vague statements are vague. If I would arrange any song for pep band to play, what should it be? I've wanted to do this for a long time. Perhaps a popular song on the radio? Or "Never Gonna Give You Up"? Maybe "Shake-a-Booty"? Maxandotherpeople, I want suggestions.

Until next time, Max: use hanisizer/hanitizer1 after you blow your nose.

1"Hand sanitizer" either way, depending on your little kid dialect.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Piano Man - Billy Joel

Alright Bryan, it sounds like you will be writing me a song to the tune of some catchy song.  I will figure that out at a later time.
If he is to write a song, he should have to compose the music himself rather than swapping lyrics out...i feel that would be more challenging for him.
Matthew, I have two comments in response to your comment:
  • Never do that thing where you do not capitalize the word “I.
  • He would not be able merely to change the lyrics.  When I say rewrite a song, I mean completely new.  If it were to the tune of Yankee Doodle, then I would not accept a song portraying how dandy I am.
Also, to the people making punishment suggestions, Max isn't going to make me do anything illegal or anything with long-term side effects.
Bryan, let me make a few comments on this statement:
  • Did I mention something about how your hubris is that you make assumptions?  *Checks old post* Yes, I did.  Just though that you should know that I stick to this claim.
  • If you really had read the first post’s rules and regulations, then you would know that as long as the punishment does not provoke bloodshed, there is no limit to the punishments I give you.
  • Do not worry though Bryan, I would never do something like that.
  • You used a contraction and started the sentence with “Also.”  Microsoft Word is not happy right now.

Now Bryan, I did not sit down at this laptop to type this blog post about you though.

No, I came here to talk about my allergies and me.

Today in German, I was the only person who could validly say that I felt sick.  Me and allergies?  See Bryan, we do not really get along all that well.  They hit me like a truck for one day every year (yesterday), but then they do not actually leave for good until late October!  How annoying is that?

Oh, and do not forget the one to two week span in April, which also gives me an annoying cough.  Yes Bryan, prom is very fun when you have allergies.

Here is a word of advice to everyone who suffers from pale skin or allergies.  Do not get sunburn during allergy season! Do not do it!  You know what feels good during allergy season?  A nice warm shower to help relieve your sinuses.  You know what does not sound good while you are sun burnt?  A nice warm shower further burning your skin.

Well Bryan, that is all of the genius advice I can give for today.

Until tomorrow,
Did anyone else notice I reused that blog title?

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Ready, TheOtherBryan?

"Window Washer Walter has a mass of 80 kilograms is washing a window that is 24 meters up the side of a building. The ladder upon which he stands is 25 meters long, and the ladder forms a right triangle with the side of the building. Assume that the top of the ladder meets the bottom of the window."

Right, so . . . there's a right triangle. Let me make a quick sketch:

Before you ask me any questions, I have a question of my own. Why is Window Washer Walter (along with all of his math problem friends) using a ladder he has to lean against a building? There are step ladders he could use that would be much less precarious.

"Suddenly, the bottom of the ladder begins to slide away from the building at a rate of 1 meter/sec."

Nope, that's not what happens. You're saying that it suddenly happened so you can prevent a lawsuit. There's a little kid under the ladder who slips on some window washer fluid and falls into the ladder. Then, the ladder moves a constant rate of 1 m/s for one second. That makes a nice line.

a) "What is Window Washer Walter's velocity after three seconds have passed?"

By the time three seconds have passed, Window Washer Walter is rushing down the ladder to help the kid. He's pretty fast, so he can climb down his ladder at about 1 m/s still. So that's my answer.

b) "What is Window Washer Walter's velocity when he reaches the ground?"

Zero. The police show up by the time Walter gets to the bottom, and they tell him to freeze, so he does. They examine Bernard for injuries, and thankfully, he's okay. His name is Bernard, by the way. They ask him why he was under the ladder, and Bernard says that he was running to get a ball that his friend kicked too far.

c) "Assuming that Window Washer Walter suffers a 90% energy loss after hitting the ground, how high will he bounce? Show all work."

This is not a time for bouncing. Walter might get arrested.

Luckily, Bernard's parents don't sue.

Also, to the people making punishment suggestions, Max isn't going to make me do anything illegal or anything with long-term side effects. Also, I really think it would be more enjoyable for everyone and harder for me if I had to write a song to a tune of Max's choice rather than a new tune.

My last punishment fell right next to Max's birthday. I wonder if this punishment is a birthday present for anyone. We'll say it's a present for Erin and Abby because it's going to fall right between their birthdays. Happy Birthday!

Until next time, Max: "In my defense, I believe assault should be legal if the person is a jerk." -Leslie Knope

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Sing a Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy Song - Dummi Bears

Good News, Bryan!

Today, instead of gloating about your upcoming punishment for not posting, I have decided that I would discuss and analyze some of my favorite quotes.

Oh, but in case you forgot, I have yet to break a rule, while you have broken two thus far.

Without further ado, my three favorite quotes:

“Max, trust me, there will come a day when you or I will become wrapped up in senior life and just forget to post.  There will be punishments.”

Bryan Rainey said this dandy quote.

Bryan, long ago in the month of May, I called that I would not be a rule breaker, but that you would.  I would have to applaud you for your acceptance to failure so long ago though.

“So here I am now. I was so sure that you were going to be the first TPA blogger to be punished.”
Bryan Rainey said this on June 17, 2011, in his post.

Here is my analysis.  This quote was funny then, because so many people thought that I would be first, but here we are, with you receiving both of the punishment for breaking rules thus far.  Irony.

My last quote is as follows:

“Max, I will never forget to blog.”

Bryan Rainey said this ironic quote on August 25, 2011.

Bryan, literally less than a week ago I approached you at your locker before school and expressed my amazement that you posted since you had not even started a post when I went to sleep.  This was your response.

Bryan, I am not shocked that you forgot.  Honestly, Friday posts are just unfair.  Last Friday, I had 20 minutes to write my post after factoring in the time it would take to find something pirate looking to wear to our football game.

Now for something less tense, the poll results.

It would appear as though people enjoy Pegasus (11 votes) over a unicorn (7 votes).  Bryan, I voted for unicorns.  Your assumption that a Pegasus is just a flying unicorn seems to show your hubris.  You assumed that the Vlogbrothers were up on their exotic horse breeds, but they are not.

Unicorns can dip their horn in a polluted river and make it clean.

I have not decided my poll yet, but you can be sure that this poll will actually make sense.

Now about your punishment, Bryan.  I have not figured it out for sure yet, but I have some ideas.  I suppose you will want to know my ideas, right?

  • Get 50 meters on QWOP and video it.
  • Compose a song, complete with lyrics depicting all the ways I am better than you are, to the tune of some song of my choice; I am thinking Brittany Spears.
  • Cut an entire pizza at your normal Chicago’s Pizza using only the supplied fork.
  • Find all of my grammar errors in a future blog of mine.
  • Write a 300 word blog in German with a translation in English.
So Bryan, I do not want the punishment to be something terrible, because I am merciful, unlike you, but I do know that if I ever should break a rule, that you will not return the favor.

Here is a cat.

Until tomorrow Bryan,
Be afraid, be very afraid.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Transfer - Five for Fighting

Okay Bryan.

Today’s blog comes to your from the letter rhetorical questions.

This is like Question Monday, but I ask myself questions (which definitely are not rhetorical questions).

First question:  Why did I ever think that this was a fun feature?

Really Bryan, I really do not know…

Second Question:  Why does my iPod have dust and 25 songs on it?

Good question Max!

You see Max, you are a very lazy person who enjoys procrastination.  Also, you see the greatness in what it is and do not look for amateurs.  This is why you have only Five for Fighting and Shinedown on your iPod.

Last Question:  Why is this blog so short?

Another fantastic question Max!  This blog is short because you have procrastinated memorizing 36 literary terms for the quiz tomorrow and really need to start.

Here is another procrastination video!

So Bryan, until tomorrow.

Procrastinators unite… but not now.

P.S. Brittan is our new follower!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Max looks like Elton John!

Max wanted me to make a small addition to his Top Ten Tuesday from yesterday. He covered hats, and newspaper hats were on his list, and he wanted to use this picture, but he said something about his computer not functioning correctly, and here it is:

Anecdote time!

A few weeks ago, Abby and I were in charge of Jacob, her three-year-old nephew, for a day. We mostly sat on the couch and watched the same two episodes of Blue's Clues over and over again. One of the episodes was the one where Steve and Blue make newspaper hats at the beginning.

So I was like, "I have a great idea!" and I ran over to the recycling bin and got an old Sports section. I hid behind the couch and made a hat that was far too big for Jacob, and I put it on his head. I think it's accurate to say that he rejected the hat and gave it back to me, but here's the fun part.

I took the hat back and put it on my head, and without (I just heard thunder) any hesitation, Jacob said, "You look like Elton John!" and then kept eating his Goldfish.

Also, this requires an explanation:
"Until tomorrow, Bryan,
This is a senence."
Yes, I made a silly mistake on my first English quiz of the year. Yes, it was on the first question. Yes, I misspelled a word, and yes, that word was "sentence."

However, that's not how I spelled it! I totally had the correct number of letters, consonants, and vowels! "Sentance" is really not that far off; he didn't even take off any points. I mean, I know most people know that I'm not the best speller in the world, but I promise I know how to spell the word "sentence." I was just in kind of a frenzy.

Until tomorrow, Max,
Happy Birthday to John Green!