Masochism, Germans, and Serial Commas

Maxi Pad, it occurs to me that song-themed posting is one of those things that’s an excellent idea for you but a horrible idea for me. Just let me know if you want a post based on songs like “Ulcerative Colitis” or “The Masochism Tango.”

You know what's an excellent idea for me but a horrible idea for you? Leftover pizza with tomato sauce. I'll be right back. I'm back.

Allow me to summarize what has happened during the first two days of TPA:

Me: “My second proposal is that within this first week of posting, we introduce each other to our audience.”
You: “Therefore, here is my introduction to our followers, as you have instructed.”

I knew I would have opportunities to make fun of you in this blog, but I didn’t know they would come this easily!

Well, now that my “introduce each other” idea is out the window, I guess I’ll just follow your lead and type up a bulleted list about myself. So much for deflating our egos.

• My name is Bryan, and although I don’t have as many nicknames as Max, I also answer to Brainey, Oboe, Klaus, Klausi, Bry-wee, and Tape.
• Within my bedroom, one can find three chairs, six Lego Harry Potter sets, fifty-two books, and four million pages of sheet music.
• Oh, and get this -- my bedroom walls are orange and blue, Max’s “favorite color duo.”
• I probably both sweat and speak less than the average human being.
• My awesome style of writing embraces the serial comma and is therefore better than your AP style of writing.
• I like a lot of things, including air conditioning, Thomas Jefferson, and The West Wing (which Max claims he hates).
• I put on my socks before I put on my pants, which puts me in the minority (for the time being).
• There's a half-eaten bag of puppy chow in my kitchen. Thank you, Haley!
• I have one less bullet point than Max because I just can’t best him.

I don’t know if you’ve recently explored our blog’s statistics, Max, but if you have, you probably noticed that we have gotten three page views from Germany. Max, I think this is a big step for us as world celebrities -- we’re officially getting international attention. I hope you agree that we should be doing everything we can to continue to expand our fan base in Germany and that in order to do so we need to capture the hearts of our German readers. For this reason, I have written a brief poem:

Ich trinke viel Wasser, und ich bin zu Hause,
Fröhlich mache ich eine Pinkelpause.¹

Well, the day is young (though, admittedly, not as young as it was when you posted yesterday), and I have much to do today, so until you post tomorrow, you can reflect upon my German couplet.

And to our German audience -- bis später!<sup>2

1</sup>I drink a lot of water, and I’m home,
Gleefully, I take a potty break.
²See you later!